NEW XANGA xxx

Hi guys :)

I just wanted to let everyone know that I've moved to another site. I won't be posting on here anymore, so please feel free to add and subscribe to my new xanga, I'll love you dearly for it ;)

Thanks to everyone who continuously supported me on here and gave me such wonderful comments and feedback, you guys are more amazing than I can ever put into words.

Ok .. this is definitely not a goodbye :)

<333333333333333

http://knitcardgan.xanga.com

CLICKKK :D

xxxx

March 5, 2011.

The snow falls and melts before it even hits the ground. I'm standing here listening to the sound of your hand washing back and forth across my filthy heart. I don't know if I should say "I'm sorry" or "thank you".


---


I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave ..

Trust me.

---

Why be in this mundane world when the surreal world inside my head is so much more inviting, exciting and not as complex?

Want gave tongue, and at her howl,
Sin awakened with a growl.


---


American eyes
American eyes
See the world through American eyes
Bury the past
Rob us blind
And leave nothin behind

RATM ♥


---

We sailed from the port of indecision,
Young and wild with, oh, so much to learn,
And days turn into years,
As we try to fool our fears,
But, to the port of indecision I return.

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.

---


I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around.

---

"Life"

Sitting.
Staring.
Thinking.
Pondering.
Hoping.
Dreaming.
Wishing.
Trying.
Realizing.
Crashing.
Running.
Crying.
Concealing.
Faking.
Smiling.
Repeating.





**

February 28, 2011.

Poker on Wednesday.
Wish me luck :)

**





For long you live and high you fly
and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
and all that you touch and all that you see
is all your life will ever be.


---

If wild my breast and sore my pride, I bask in dreams of suicide, if cool my heart and high my head I think "How lucky are the dead."

Sweet is love when all is sane
Sweet is death to rid the pain
Cruel is death when all is well
Cruel is love when all is hell


---


After living in the dark for so long a glimpse of light can make you giddy. Strange thoughts come into your head and you better think them. Has a special fate been calling you and you're not listening? Is there a secret message right in front of you and you're not reading it? Is this your last chance? Are you gonna take it? Or are you going to the grave with unlived lives in your veins?

Dreams are the eraser dust I blow off my page.
They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day.
Dreams are only memories of the plans I had back then.
Dreams are eraser dust and now I use a pen.


---

You think of me just like a butterfly
You wanna pin me to your wall so I can never fly.

Just like a flower that you need to dry
Caught between two books, squeeze me till I die.

You are time. Foul time, who steals the gold from a maiden's hair and takes the sapphire from a child's eyes. Dark time, who has stolen from every thing there ever was all the things that it held precious and divine ... And left nothing but ashes and memories and the grave.


---

I see things as they are,
as they were and as they will be.

And he was the lord of the things that are not,
and were not
and never will be.

So if you're sitting all alone and hear a-knocking at your door
and the air is full of promises, well
buddy, you've been warned
Far worse to be Love's lover than the lover that Love has scorned

I let love in
I let love in


---


I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star, in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be mine?

I drink to our ruined house, to the dolor of my life, to our loneliness together; and to you I raise my glass, to lying lips that have betrayed us, to dead-cold pitiless eyes, and to the hard realities; that the world is brutal and coarse, that God, in fact, has not saved us.


---


If of all words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are, "It might have been,"
More sad are these we daily see:
"It is, but hadn't ought to be."

The ladybug has finally perished on my carpet finding herself unable to get back out the window ... I grieve and lament this as she was so much more a companion than anybody else during days of loneliness.


---

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference does it make

You can be a king or a street-sweeper,
but everybody dances with the grim reaper.


---

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


---

It seems like I'm always getting stuck
Between the handshake and the fuck





**

February 18, 2011.

I've been really moody these past weeks.
I feel bad because my fiancé seems to be copping the brunt of my anger.
He never complains, but he doesn't deserve the way I treat him.
I guess it's times like these where I feel insecure and start thinking that he's too good for me,
and I sure as hell don't deserve him.

**

 


Paris is like a whore.

                    From a distance she seems ravishing, 
                    you can't wait until you have her in your arms.

And five minutes later you feel empty,
                      and disgusted with yourself.

You feel tricked.


 


My world of human beings had perished: I was utterly alone in the world and for friends I had the streets, and the streets spoke to me in that sad, bitter language compounded of human

misery,
yearning,
regret,
failure and
wasted effort.


 


The morning I got up to begin this book I coughed.
Something was coming out of my throat:

it was strangling me.

I broke the thread which held it and yanked it out.
I went back to bed and said:

I have just spat out my heart.


 


When I realise that he is gone, perhaps gone forever,
a great void opens up and I feel that I am falling ..


                      falling ... 


                              falling into deep, black space.


And this is worse than tears, deeper than regret or pain or sorrow;
it is the abyss into which Satan was plunged.
There is no climbing back,
           no ray of light,
                    no sound of human voice or human touch of hand.


 

pictures: www.unsinnimage.com/

**

January 17, 2011.

My mum is moving to NZ, and taking my younger siblings.
I don't want them growing up without me.
Those kids are my life.

:(:(

**

 


I want out of the labels.    
      I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. A story. 
               I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map. 
       A real adventure. 
                                       A spinx. 
               A mystery.                    A blank.
                            Unknown. 

Undefined.

*

That quest for something pretty. 
                   A cheat. 
              A cliche. 
      Flowers and Christmas lights ..
                   it's what we're programmed to love.


 


You know..
                        the condom is the glass slipper of our generation.
       You slip it on when you meet a stranger.
                  You dance all night, then you throw it away..
.. the condom, I mean .. 

               .. Not the stranger.

*

Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. 
              Here is iodine to drink.
     Here are sleeping pills to swallow..

You have a choice: LIVE OR DIE. 

      Every breath is a choice.
                Every minute is a choice:

To be or not to be ..

         Every time you don’t throw yourself down the stairs, that’s a choice.
Every time you don’t crash your car, you re-enlist.


 


Songs are our guides. Without visas they take us anywhere we want to go - into deserts and bayous, ragtime halls and rock-and-roll taverns, folk clubs and tin-pan alleys. At a moment's notice, we are there. T r a n s p o r t e d. Uplifted. Saddened or gratified or deepened in our connection to the world and to each other.

*

Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.


 


Maybe this is why so many serial killers work in pairs ..
            It's nice not to feel alone in a world full of victims or enemies.

     It's no wonder Waltraud Wagner, the Austrian Angel of Death, 
   convinced her friends to kill with her.

It just seems natural ..
                           .. You and me against the world.

*

I thought we were a real love relationship. I did. I was very invested in love, but it was just this long long sex thing that could end at any moment because after all, it's just about getting off. Almost all the time, you tell yourself you're loving somebody when you're just using them ..


This only looks like love.


 

pictures: asofterworld.com

**

NB: I only just realised that I had this update on private.
>.<